babbling brook

just random thoughts on knitting, reading, life & other things I like

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Crazy moody day

Wow this is all weird now. I'm not sure I like this new posting style. I fear change.

So it's been an up & down day. I didn't get the job, of course. Was okay with it, for awhile and then I just lost it. Lost my temper, freaked out to D. It's so stressful at work and I'm the fucking ray of sunshine all the time. Honest. Maybe that's why I lose it big time every once in awhile. Am I close to my period? Probably. Craved chocolate big time, was angry for no particular reason, and now feeling weepy. Depressed. Could it be the huge quanity of Taco Bell food that I ate & immediatly forced myself to throw up? Could it be the fact that I may not have made my electric payment in time and I might be without electricty tommorrow for the season finale of TAR? (among other extremly important things, granted, missing TAR will probably not be in my thoughts if I can't wake up for work or take a shower)? Or could it be I seem to be finding myself reading Sept 11 accounts from Sars at Tomato Nation or Wing Chun at HissyFit? I can't even think clearly about Sept 11 because it was only a month later I lost my father. Everythign about Sept 11 makes me think of my father. Oh lovely, why don't I just think about the fact I haven't had a boyfriend in years, only the fuckface who broke my heart or the fact that I'm 30 and nothing going in my life or my weight or my face or my fianances and make my depression complete?


I hate everything.

I did workout today. Fat lot of good it did me. I'm chain smoking and just threw up Taco Bell food. I haven't done the throwing up in years. I'm in a downward spin right now.


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